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While not everyone experiences sexual interest or desire, many enjoy letting their imagination explore erotic scenarios and possibilities which might heighten their pleasure. Sexual fantasies can also be a beautiful form of creative expression!
A few things to keep in mind:
1) Fantasies Do Not Have to Ever Be Brought to Reality
Just because something excites you doesn’t mean you have to experience it. You can talk dirty about it with a partner and still never do it. You can masturbate thinking about it and still never do it. You get to explore your fantasies in whatever way feels safe to you.
2) There Is Nothing Wrong With You
The array of sexual fantasies people are interested in is vast, probably more expansive than you are even aware of. All sexual fantasies are valid, despite what we’ve been taught. When acting on the fantasies obviously everyone’s enthusiastic consent is necessary, but it is completely ok for your fantasies to be as unique and creative as you are.
3) Fantasies Can Help Us Reclaim Our Power
Fantasies and k!nk scenes can be a beautiful and safe way to process traumatic experiences and can help us rewrite those experiences and build safety in our bodies. This doesn’t mean this will work for everyone but if it’s something you’ve been desiring please know this is common and I’ll speak for myself when I say the healing power these type of scenes have had for me have rivaled that of years of therapy. I would recommend working with a trauma-informed practitioner to start if this is something you’d like to explore but aren’t sure about.
4) Sharing Fantasies Can Facilitate Connection and Intimacy
It’s rather common for people to experience shame around some of their fantasies. Finding someone you trust enough to share these with them and then having that person witness you in that vulnerability can be extremely healing. Not sure where to start? Maybe start with one small thing to begin to build that trust and connection and then take small steps from there. Don’t have someone you can trust with them? We live in such a technologically connected time, seek out connections on FetLife or Reddit and start to connect with others who share your fantasies and see how it feels to be able to share honestly what you’re desiring. You might even be inspired by other people’s exploration and experience.
5) Go Slow
Often we have these big, beautiful, creative fantasies and we desire to experience them fully but I personally would recommend starting slow. Start by incorporating small pieces of the fantasy into scenes and work your way up to a full-blown scene. You can incorporate smaller pieces of the fantasy into other play and learn what you like, what feels edgier, and what your limits are. This will help you plan larger scenes and help build safety both with your partner and with your desires, boundaries, and limits.
Always happy to do a virtual chat session here to help you explore your fantasies - DM me for rates.
I want to make this page what y’all want it to be so I’m going to do some polls this week & I would 💕love 💕 it if you would answer so I can make more content you like 😊
What if we didn’t accept society’s perspective that k!nk meant something was inherently wrong with you and, even if it was being used as a healing modality, that doesn’t mean it’s a negative thing?
We as a society are starting to finally discuss the importance of consent and hearing our no’s but what if we were equally as respectful of people’s yes’s? What if we encouraged one another to say yes to things that feel pleasurable and exciting?
I wrote a whole article talking about this more in depth and as always, I’m available for somatic healing sessions or DM sessions to help hold space for you about this - dm me for details 😊